searching for a spade

Setting the stage for a beautiful crash, I am unsure of how to act.  Surrounded by felines and uncertain actions, what am I to do? There is no way for me to get done all the things that need to be and I slip through the cracks as I'm reaching to you. Sliding down into nothing, or something... we seem so close, only steps away. It's been four years. Is it finally time? Could it be? I won't be the second again.  I will not. I cannot be torn in two.  But I want you. There's a tragedy in us and I'm not sure --  I'm not sure that I can take another lap in this race. Back and forth, our timing's never right. Let it be now. Let it be us. We will fit like perfect pieces. The cracks will be filled, those lovely cracks, and as they seal so shall we, together. We will rope the stars and pull them to us. They are our present, they are our future, those glamourous stars. We will shine as they do and brighter, we will carve our own eden. I don't do hope well but this is me at my best. My confidence is wavering at this height but I am holding on and no I will not feign or faint. Come to me and we will fill our cracks, we will smooth out the lines.