figures

i've been having a relatively pleasant day. at work, i was in the PDR and we actually had a pretty big party to set up for so time flew by very quickly, even café went by more swiftly than usual, but it seemed to be "let's sass courtney" day because everyone and their brother was giving me sass. sass sass sass.  i didn't show that it bothered me, which i'm proud of myself for, but it did.  so i get home, and i'm looking forward to shrugging off work, when i decide to read post secret. something about this week's batch of secrets really got to me.  i'm always complaining about not having anyone around, but it's my fault.  there has been plenty of interest lately (which is a foreign concept for me) but i have no interest to return, rather, i don't have the interest that would be preferred.  i want to get over m so badly but i just can't. i can't! it's terribly aggravating.  i was talking to eleanor and hadley and e thinks i should just let him know, despite him having a girlfriend at the moment.  h thinks that eleanor's idea is shiesty and i should refrain/wait til he moves (out of sight, out of mind) but it will plague me forever, i think, if i don't let him know.

i just wish my friendship were enough in most cases. i haven't had friends that were boys since elementary school, really.  any guy that has been in my life and paid me any kind of attention has just wanted more than friendship and i forgot that recently.  i make it sound like i've got a trail of boys lined up outside my door or something, and while that seems like the case now, it really hasn't always been, it's just been easier to let down the occasional hanger-on in the past. now it kind of sucks because i like the boys who are showing interest in some capacity, but they're not m, and that's lame (of me). i need a good kick in the head.