Oh I remember

I was just going to say that I've been loving music so much right now. It's found its way back into my soul. I was getting worried though because for awhile it was just like... meh. It's there. But praise the Lord I feel its magical pull. Holla!

Gossip Girl is taking over my life!

Oh to be Blair Waldorf and have an amazing wardrobe and a Chuck Bass all of my own, swoon. Tonight at work I had the (dis)pleasure of dropping a glass on some poor woman's head. I felt awful. And to make it worse I think she was receiving treatments for Leukemia or Cancer or something. What kind of person am I?! Ugh, I don't know. I made muffins though when I got home and that made me feel better. Also seeing my kitties.

I'm really excited to go see blink again next week.  I don't know what it is but I just love going to shows! I'd forgotten how much, really. Last year I really didn't go to very many and I'm not sure why. Really, it may have just been a lack of shows to go to. It seems like now, though, everyone and their brother wants to tour and who am I not to oblige them with my presence?

And I know I've mentioned this before, but I really want to learn guitar. I've actually been looking on craigslist for a nice cheap acoustic to learn on. I love acoustic guitars so much. They're so mopey, like me! I want to cover songs for the most part, I don't really know that I'm cut out for the whole songwriting thing, or maybe I am and I just don't know it because I don't know how to play any instruments. I made a new friend named Kyle who can play and maybe if I pay him in mix CDs he'd be willing to help me out. If all else fails I can use Garage Band... it has tutorials! Patrick Stump would teach me to play in that case and, golly wouldn't that be nice?

I feel like there was something else I was going to yak about here but I can't remember for the life of me what it was.  Oh well that just means it's time for me to watch Gossip Girl/get some sleep!

I want to perform!!!!!

Listening to music really, really loudly really makes me wish that I had some kind of musical ability so I could be in a band.  I think maybe I could sing, but I don't know what else I could contribute aside from that. Tambourine? Perhaps... I don't know I just think I could put on a fucking AWESOME show.

What the heck happened?

I felt so inspired last week and now I'm just... I don't even know.  I feel like I need to make myself upset in order to make good artwork and I really don't like being sad. I'm happy right now. I'm more content than I have been in such a long time but I guess happiness doesn't look good on me so I have to go back to being a mopey bum.  I sound like such an emo jerk.  I feel like I just need to sit myself down and get into a state of mind from which I can't escape. At least until winter break then I can put a pause on it. I don't know I wish it were easier to get moody but I don't know... I don't feel like I'm in any sort of throes of emotion right now even though I think I need to be.  There's no passion in my life right now and in order for me to make something that is authentic and me I feel like that needs to be the case. Ugh!

Chocolate Covered Strawberries!

I think I'm going to start taking more pictures. That sounds kind of silly... I mean I'm a photo major so I should be taking a lot of pictures as it is but I feel like I don't take enough. I'm not confident in myself or completely comfortable with my camera which is kind of sad, really. So, I intend to remedy this! More pictures!! Even if it's just the cats.  Maybe from this point on I'll start posting pictures that I take. I think it'll also help me get into the habit of getting my workflow to be a little more efficient... which would be a really good thing.

I'm pretty happy with the person I'm becoming though.  I'm more motivated and I feel like I get so much more done in a day than I used to.  I'm not as much of a procrastinator (old habits die hard... I'm procrastinating now... oops).  I also feel like I have more energy. It's so nice being in an environment that fosters actually getting up and doing things.  I want to start drawing more and I want to learn how to play an instrument (either guitar or piano really... or both!). I think I might sell my Squire and get an acoustic. I think that would be better to learn on. I want to do covers and write my own music too eventually. I want to be multi-talented!

This is such a good place that I'm in and I'm just... YIKES just so happy! I don't know. Life is good. There are a few downs, which I moaned about the other day, but for the most part it's up up up.

I'm feeling restless!

I feel like I have so many ideas and so much creativity running through me just screaming and yelling and trying to get out but I also feel like I don't possess the ability to make my thoughts happen. Is there some sort of career where I can just give people great ideas and then someone else can go out and execute them? If so, that would be the life for me. It seems like whenever I go about looking for things for myself research wise, I end up finding a billion things that would aid other people in their endeavors but nothing that is of interest to me.  What am I supposed to do with that?  Ugh, it's just so frustrating.

On a lighter note, I have been getting good ideas for my upcoming sailor moon tattoo, which I'm super stoked about.  Of course, having ideas for that doesn't do me any good in the photography arena.

Back to being gloomy.  I miss having all my super close friends close in proximity to me.  I mean, Alanna's always been far away (and I'm starting to get worried she's not going to come visit next month, after all) but Stef was closer and Khaleelah... I feel like I'm missing out on something.  I know it's good to be responsible but sometimes I wish I were a little more carefree.  The stress that comes from not getting things done, though, just builds up and I just end up not being able to enjoy myself.  But, like I said, I'm missing out on my youth. I feel like I'm missing out on being completely ridiculous and spontaneous.  This is something that's plagued me even through high school and I'm just being reminded of it now.  Maybe if I stop creeping on peoples' Facebooks and seeing all their pictures of themselves having fun with their friends all candid and such, these feelings will go away.  Ugh. Back to homework!

I'm really hoping that I can make this whole store business work. I'm taking an Intro to Entrepreneurship class so I'm hoping that will help out as far as figuring out the path that I need to take to get my business up and running. It just gets so miserable working at Can Can sometimes.  I want to really enjoy my job. And that's not to say that I'm not thankful for having a job, but it would be nice to work for myself and I'm hoping I can make that happen.

First Poast

It's been a long time since I've kept a journal of any kind, and while I'd really like to keep one by hand for the tangibility and nostalgia of it all, I'm short of time and so typing up my thoughts and feelings is looking like the way to go.  I feel like when I did keep a journal, I was a little more creative and a little less scatterbrained, and these are two things I definitely need more of in my life.  I also miss writing as frequently as I used to, and hopefully by writing more I'll be able to speak better/verbalize my thoughts so that I won't confuse people.  Ideally I'd like to write here at least once a day, even if it's a blurb, but I'm not kidding myself into thinking that will happen.  At the very least, I'm going to hope that I'll make a post here whenever I make a post for my art blog.  We'll see. It's time to get back into the swing of things.