so new to me

i'm trying to get a feeling for all of this.  it is more new to me than anything else i've ever known.  there is a loneliness in this solitude but not one so crippling as before.  the quiet is appreciated, but it is not all i want. this is a chasm too deep for oceans to fill and only a miracle will do.  let us find the strength of diamonds and plunge headfirst into the murkiness of the unknown without fear or facsimile. there could be no heartbreak greater than the one suffered when this vessel was shattered in an overheated kiln.  mend me with the slip and shadows. keep the cracks bound with the memory of everything that will never be and free yourself from my marred flesh as i am consumed by the heat of the fire.

breathing ghosts

you breathe ghosts over me, the words once living that haunt me ever more.  in the forest of your mind, i peel the bark from trees looking to find those truths you've hidden from me for all these eyars.  in those most ancient of days when our skin was all powder and innocence, we sang the songs of an eternal salvation that echoed from our hearts and into the air --  thick with sun and honeysuckle.  but when the fall came (as it surely must), death -- she drove you farther from me and you were vibrant malachite -- gleaming shameless and heartless -- cold as the cloud cover brought the rain of ages and slowly carried me from your steadfast gaze.

what have we become?

the weight of our legacy lies in the tangles of our history. pages tattered, ravaged, but filled with the fruit of a great love that is unable to find a foothold. you sit there, long agile fingers finding lost frets while i find frets of my own, of course mine are of quite a different sort.  a new life has found its way into yours and what am i? what have i become? look at those pages, stop for review.  let the synaptic connections fire hotly in your mind. remember the fire we would paint on each other's skin, not the ashen char that you would find were you to look today.

oh to feel infinite

It was so nice to get out of Virginia for awhile, especially to go and see friends.  I spend a few days up in Boston with Alanna and we stayed at her Mimi's house in East Boston. That house was so amazing -- pretty much everything was original from when the house was built and there were so many cool little things to take pictures of, which of course I did.  

 

Because I was so poor and also because it was so cold (we ended up getting snowed in on Sunday) we did a lot of indoor things and not as much driving around as we normally do when I visit.  One thing that I love to do is cook, and luckily Alanna does too. So, we made Aorta Stew. Gross? Not so much. We just threw a bunch of veggies in a pot of broth with some orzo and let it stew for a bit and mmmmmm it was wonderful.  I'm thinking of making it again for dinner on Xmas day since I'll, again be fending for myself.

It's also become a tradition for us to make some kind of craft when I'm able to stay over for more than a night and this time we decided to make little dolls. Alanna didn't end up finishing hers, but I finished mine and he is lovely. You can take off his little coat and scarf but it was cold so I thought, I don't want him to freeze his little doll buns off.

 

The whole purpose of my visit, though, was to go to see Hatebreed with Alanna so she wouldn't have to go by herself.  We actually ended up leaving before Hatebreed went on, but we did see Thy Will Be Done, Hate Eternal, Unearth, and Cannibal Corpse. I had more fun than I thought I would, although I totally dozed off a few times during Hate Eternal.  Granted, we were sitting at a table, but they were just so monotonous I found it very difficult to keep my eyes open.  Cannibal Corpse were pretty funny, Corpse Grinder kept saying that they only had one or two songs left but they would just keep playing anyway. That gave me a nice little chuckle.  Alanna wanted to get her makeup done for the show so we had gone to MAC before hand and her makeup looked so nice.  The lady who put it on was wonderful too and it made my over the shoulder creeping time go by a lot faster, which was very much appreciated.

That was Saturday, and then there was snow.  Snow, snow, snow.  The only thing snow is good for is getting things done so all Sunday we worked on our dolls. While I finished, Alanna got frustrated and is setting hers aside for another day. Poor little guy. We also watched a ton of Six Feet Under which was wonderful. I'm so disappointed in myself that I didn't watch this sooner! I was pretty worried that I wouldn't be able to catch my bus on Monday because of all the snow, but I was in luck and managed to get out of the city without delay, although I was the last person to board the bus. Yikes!

I had set aside time in New York so I could go to lunch with Becka at Red Bamboo for a tasty vegan feast, but since traffic in New York was so bad, we had to make due with Starbucks.  I was greeted by Becka and her friend Jennie (who was adorable!) at the bus stop and bombarded with gifts -- what a wonderful greeting! Of course these gifts were two of my favorite things: sweets (Boston cookies) and words (Neverwhere) so I was absolutely thrilled and thankful for the surprise. Apparently I'm a natural at navigating through New York pedestrian traffic or so I was told by my lovely guides.  We battled our way through the Subway, to Starbucks, and all the way to Madison Square Gardens to catch my bus.  I wish I was able to get some more pictures from that portion of my trip but I wanted to get as much chit-chat time in as possible.  Running through the NYC streets was so exhilarating and made me feel the magic that Khaleelah and Carri had scolded me over upon my first visit to the city.  We were a bit late to the bus, but luckily the bus was late as well so I was still able to board AND get my own seat to boot!

Stephanie and I have been talking about traveling around this summer and I'm really excited at that prospect.  I've been itching to get to California as I'm starting to think that may be the best place for my gallery, but we'll see.  It's hard to make a prediction on these kinds of things when you really haven't spent a lot of time in the places you're considering.

For the New Year, I'm going to start an art blog. That'll be a good way for me to get my footing with all the gallery preparations and hopefully I'll be able to make some connections that way.  I'm also going to get a handle on my veganism and stop cheating so much. I told my mom that and she said that's not a good resolution, but I really want to be 100% vegan rather than just some of the time.  2010 is going to be a good year, I can feel it.  

the great escape!

Well I surely do love getting out of Virginia, especially when it involves braving the post asnowpalyptic streets of East Boston and navigating the snow-stupified streets of Manhattan.  Such adventure! I'll be posting soon with pictures from my trip as well as a brief play by play and some more delightfully dreary writings. Word up!

writing letters in georgia

there was a sigh. and a pause.  i was constricted by the cold in my lungs and the longing that weighted my chest, that caused the roots to grow.  the ice groaned and cracked and deftly i slid backwards on the frosted river, arms like branches reaching toward you  but you've turned your back and your body is now blended into the stars and they dissipate with the coming sun.  the cracks grow to chasms in the warm morning light and i sink slowly down, there is nothing to hold on to, there is no one to call home.  i've lost you to those golden rays, and december is nothing but my own, again.  another figure begs to take your place but falters at the edge of the river -- i have gone away. hesitation will do us all in eventually.

Artist's Statement + Senior Portfolio

i am trying very hard to be here

Sometimes life will flash before your eyes, and that is how my work reads.  It is flashes of emotion that are derived from personal events and filtered so that they may communicate with a broader audience through disjointed narrative.  By photographing reality that is augmented by objects symbolic of my personal struggle, I am instilling my own experiences with discomfort, anxiety, and isolation into the viewer. This juxtaposition of the unusual with the commonplace makes the images more jarring and surreal and often presents itself in the form of numbness or detachment. It exists as a look in the eyes that at first glance gives the suggestion that the person in the images is in tune with the moment but in fact they are lost deep within themselves. There is a repetition of imagery in order to emphasize importance or recurrence of a feeling and its increasing severity.  The utilization of these devices will ultimately allow the viewer connect with me through my art.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/swingthefocus/sets/72157622959440918/

still and calm

what are these screams? they are silent over obvious melodies and taunt and tease the senses.  the creep of the moon, its stars in tow, brings with it a veil of calm and stream of tears flowing abundant from the sky.  i would dam it if i could but heaven's stake holds more sway than mine.  you didn't have to let me go. consider the times when my arms were open and this heart was willing but my grace was received by feign and flounder and again the evening wraiths rode away with the good that only comes with sun and frost.

sew up your eyes

i remember when you used to watch me. tiny gestures -- none unnoticed.  we were blissful then. ascending.   but the fall came as we over saturated. over satiated.  we were the banal and the creep of complacency sprawled on our limbs like moss or ice.  the sweet drift set in and your eyes ceased to follow.  what were we then? the tiny gestures were no longer enough and only sweeping grandeur was of any comfort -- for you not me.  and so i dissipate and disintegrate, swimming through the dark to some brighter highway.