AFI Last Night...

was so much more exciting than Monday! I may be able to attribute that to the gentle caresses exchanged by a certain couple in the band but... I'll refrain.  I played basketball with Jade's brother Smith at one of the carnival games that was set up. He had horrible aim and I tried to give him some pointers but he wasn't having it. I guess he didn't need them though since he got a basket before me. Luck I say. Pure luck!

I went with Brett which was a relief since I didn't really want to go by myself. AFI did so much better than they did on Monday, Davey must've been feeling a lot better though. He had the flu and ended up having to cancel a show earlier in the week because he was, in his words, "dying on a hospital floor." That's probably a bit dramatic but what shall we expect?

At one point Jade pretended to kick Davey and it was hilarious.  Davey also kept peppering a bunch of unnecessary "oh!"s into songs where they didn't belong.  The set was shorter than on Monday, but that's probably contributed to by the fact that they were opening for paramore. Weird am I right? Either way they did wonderfully.  I didn't stay for all of paramore but Hayley looked beautiful, I really like the blonde hair.  They sounded really good too. I was really happy that they played "I Caught Myself" since I never would've guessed in a thousand years they'd play that song since it wasn't the big hit from the Twilight soundtrack.

Here are some pictures I took on the monitors since we were on the lawn and could barely see:

I sent in a picture of Boo and Baxter and they put it on the screens! Everyone awwwwed.

This is when he was being dramatic about dying on the hospital floor. Look how giddy!

Here is Jade getting yelled at. Probably for kicking Davey earlier.

Jade shreddin'. Nuff said.

Remember when...

I saw blink-182 in VA Beach? It was so much fun.  I was trying to call Kyle since he was sick and couldn't go and Mark saw me on my phone so he decided to come over and ask what I was doing and why I was on my phone.  And Tom was making eyes at me like... the whole time. Love it. It was so magical getting to see them after all these years and I really hope they tour again. My heart swelled so many times it was all just so surreal.  I know I saw them before in August, but it was just as great the second time around. Fall Out Boy were really wonderful too.  Headfirst Slide into Cooperstown is such a good song to hear live, it just gets sleazier every time I hear it (and Peter gets sleazier every time I see him).

AFI yesterday were great too, I was so glad I could see them with Alanna.  She always makes me laugh so much and she's one of those people you can make the same joke with over and over and it will never get old..... the gun. Oh. I was so glad they played the interview. It really made my day.  And Days of the Phoenix was great to hear live too. They really put together a nice playlist that had old and new.  I was glad to finally be able to like Crash Love, I knew the live show would do that for me. Oh and Davey blew me a kiss when he was walking offstage, I told my mom and she asked if Jade got jealous. Tee hee! I told her he did but she thought I was serious, that silly woman.

After the show, Alanna and I went to Denny's with Brett who I've known since the Children's World days and had a grand old time.  On the way back to taking Brett to his car, we were joking about whether or not the kids who were waiting outside the tour bus would still be there and lo and behold they were. We had a laugh about that as we were turning onto 7th st (where they were) and as I'm driving by the bus, Davey emerges. I was a little embarrassed (we all were) because we were listening to the B-Sides CD that was released with Crash Love, but I parked in front of the bus and we all scurried in line where we saw Sterling who was in line with us before the show.

Davey had a bit of a 'tude but it was cool. I probably would have one at that point too. Here's how our convo went:
Me: Hello there! How are you doing?
Davey: I'm doing pretty well, how are you doing?
Me: Well, I'm doing...pretty well as well.
Davey: Where do you want me to sign this? Is here okay? (Talking about the CD)
Me: You know... you can sign it wherever you want.
Davey: It doesn't matter to me...

it was sassier in person but it's okay. it was a little chilly and i'm sure he had a long night of screamy girls asking him to marry them or something idk.  i know fritch was having a hard time at the merch table with idiots but he was glad to have me who thanked him and wished him a nice night.
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Remember when you told me I was beautiful? There was nothing I could do then but admit things that I claimed as past.  But the tide has turned and the moon is wax and I wish I could go over all of that again.   I want to spill myself empty but it's just not quite the time. I fear that things are different now and that I'm just trying to hard to write down words with meaning. Why am I even trying? I've been down this way before and it only ended with a song and a tear, just the same way as it began.  I'm begging for embarrassment and feigning confidence that never existed in the first place. This smile isn't trite but I fear it could be fuller but I'm willing to wait for the perfect time to put all the pieces together, I pray that I won't fall into the sea if I find the boat has passed.
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yikes i'm so silly

i don't know what i want

today when i was biking home from class, i thought about how nice it is to not have a commitment looming over me at all times. i felt so free and nice and I have since the break up.  i've also felt lonely though. i think my feelings for chet have very much faded.  there are just so many things that i realize could never have worked between us and i think i'm finding peace with that now.

regardless of this freedom, though, i still feel lonely a lot. it's silly really. i love my roommates, sara and i spend a ton of time together.  skittles keeps me warm at night. i have friends at work and school. i even go out more than i used to. despite all this i still feel lonely.  i expressed to sara the other night my fear that i'm just going to end up living alone with the cats and she pointed out that i was the only one of the three of us (roommates) that had any kind of lasting relationship but i don't know that it really means anything, especially since it didn't amount to anything. i feel like i can't even talk to chet without him bringing up our relationship and telling me how he feels and it just makes me feel so badly.

i want to ultimately be with someone with whom things are effortless. i don't want to try to make things work. i don't want to fight all the time.  i want to be able to go out when i need to, come home and do the things i need to do, and have them feel like they can do the same. i don't want to feel suffocated. i want to be needed and to need.  i want my level of need for my other to equal the need of my other for me. i don't think it can be one sided, it just doesn't work.

i don't know why i've been so mopey in the past couple weeks. i think it must be the winter air.  this always happens and i can only hope it will start making me shoot better.  i was looking over the pictures i took this past week and i don't know that i'm totally happy. i know i need to reshoot one series for sure but the shoot that i did on saturday turned out really very nice.  i'm just nervous because i don't have another in class critique before the mid-crit. ugh i don't know! i just want to sleep for a couple days i think that would be so nice.

in lighter news, alanna will be here on sunday! i'm so excited... i can't imagine the fun we'll have!